The Apparition

We stepped on all the cracks
as she chased us

We dove into the underbrush
she was above us
just a torso

She told us
we were right to be afraid

Cluttermen

Half-formed with bits of others
We puzzle up a Really-Man
Then we can pass on the streets
Fetch groceries for the rest
We have clothes and drugs
Sometimes we even have jobs
Mostly though, we make things
Beautiful things
Sometimes we can sing
I have the pieces around here somewhere
If I find them, I can sing for you
I can sing very well
You wouldn't know it was a Cluttermen song

Scribbled in a Bathroom Stall

We are not born, only dreamed
A cruel and bitter lie
A dream of love and loss and fear
And in that dreaming, die

Idle Sunday

And she walks in the kitchen
picking through the receipts
One, Two, garbage
She crumples them up
Flips through a nearby magazine
Always falls to the same page

How she leans
How she tucks her arm
How she looks at nothing in particular

A sniffle, a scratch
She opens up a cabinet
She doesn't want tea
But she's looking at the tea
She closes the cabinet
And remembers to throw out those receipts

How she moves
How she sweeps her arm
How the papers fall from her hand

She paces the length of the apartment
She opens the closet
Looking at her umbrellas
She remembers a song
And skips back to her computer

It's all so beautiful
I can't believe it
Or explain it

June 24

I'm rolling in my bed
I can't breathe in this heat
You're under the sheets
I'm alone

My head itches
I can't find my hands
It's so dark
It must still be day

I can't see you
You're under the bed
You're hiding
From one little word

My neck is wet
And now, my pillow
The stink of pollen
You're under the floor

Like an ice cube
Cracks in water
I open my eyes
The fever is gone

The Black Out

"When you sleep, it's like you die,"
she smiles into the night
she likes the idea

"The brain shuts down the body,"
she's flirting, but not with me.
she remembers the hospital
and her body filling up with blood

"Then the brain shuts down itself,"
the doctors were going to send her home
a dozen tests and scans
they couldn't find the problem

"That's when you really start to dream,"
she was in so much pain
losing so much blood
delirious

"The brain goes crazy, off the charts,"
in her long, troubled life
she never felt more calm
than on that bed

Orpheus

A drop of cold sweat on your tits
Copper and salt
And you just want to get to sleep

Once upon a time
A woman died on her wedding night
A man walked into hell to find her

You're pushing down on me
Heavy breathing
Just getting it over with

And this man went to the palace
With only a song to offer
And the king shed a steel tear

You roll over in darkness
Closing your eyes
You pretend to sleep

And the man lead his ghost of a wife
Back to the world
And she followed quietly

This night simply adequate
and it pleases you
It is enough

He could not wait. He turned to look
And her spirit fell away into darkness
She lingered long enough to say 'Goodbye'

You do not notice
When I slip out of the bed
And leave.

I wish it were her

Dozing by the campfire
I could almost see her in the flames
A white knife, swallowed
And I wish it were her
Cutting me up from the inside

Someone passes me a beer
Someone tells a dirty joke
She's out of town for the week
And I wish it were her
Laughing next to me

A marshmallow falls in
And blackens on the embers
It smells like caramel
As it bubbles into ash
And so help me god
I wish it were her
Burning

Liar's Lament

she's angry at herself
for reasons I'll never be
able to properly appreciate
she's cute, but somewhere by her neck
I can smell the crazy
she's glancing and squinting
rooting out nefarious conspiracies
but when she's talking to me
the broken things line up
in neat little rows
like I'm validating something
like I'm a ticket to something
brighter
like I've got a direct line
to the fires that shape the universe

and she's cute and crazy
and laughs like I can help
so is that fair?
am I taking advantage?
I got plenty of snake oil

so why won't I tell her the truth?

Chump

We lay on the bed that night
With all our clothes
And all our thoughts
in between us.
I turn away to face the wall
You mumble to me
You want something
But I know
It won't be enough
I want to go home
But I can't leave the room
I can't leave the bed
It took me years to think of the words
I wanted to say then,
"You make me feel like a chump,"

Drinkey O' Drinkey

Lazy blonde curls, she's drawing loops around a currency of time hunched over the bar. She's a bolt from the blue with a tiny tattoo I can't quite make out on her arm. The men brush past and she snickers at their jokes, but cringes when our elbows accidently touch.

Like I'm supposed to apologize.

She looks like a lesbian, but she's not. That's supposed to be a compliment, but I know she won't take it that way so I shut my mouth. She dresses like she doesn't care. Not it'd matter what I think. It never matters what I think.

She says she believes in love and I can't say that I believe in anything.

You ever believe in anything? Looking back, can you honestly recommend it?

There's a little laugh and I see someone's propped their baby up on the bar. They tickle and giggle with it in between sips. I can't fucking take it anymore. I have to get up and run out of there. I have to go anywhere else.

But then, I'm thirsty. There's no beer outside, or back at my apartment, but there's beer here. So I stay and drink. And I order another. And another.

I don't know if I have enough money to cover the tab. I'm hurting so much I can't count.

For a Moment...

I held her all night, it was easy
The ground fell away as we slept
And I had no way of knowing
About the morning
And all the secrets she's kept

Old Romantic

In summertime, in sunny weather
On a remote, golden beach
My sins did gather together
To invite me to a feast

Pickled limes, fried legumes
With buttered pineal gland
No table, no plate, no spoon
The food thrown down in the sand

My hate picked up a fiddle
Hypocrisy began to clap
The rest danced and sang a little
Even though he played like crap

The main course was my lovely wife
They cut and pissed upon her
They offered me the biggest slice
For I was the guest of honor

With the dinner done, they'd had their fun
And almost nothing left of me
They left the food to rot in the sun
And laughing, led me to the sea

All the Sticky Bits

I've almost finished pulling all my pieces together
One was under the sink
One rolled behind the sofa
One was tucked into an old shoe
in a box in the attic
of the house that burned down
when I was just a boy
One was in my cereal
One was in my fist
One was stuck in my lover's eye
and blinking...blinking
blinked it free
One's still stuck on the ceiling
One can't move on with his life
no matter what he tells you
One still pretends to be happy
so you'll fucking hang up
I've almost got all of them rounded up
in a big pile on my bed
Now all I gotta do is stick them back together
All these broken bits

Oh, You're Good

How careful you move
Your pieces across the board
And around the room

Such a masterful mind
If you'd ever apply it
Beyond your private castles

Heavy Heart

He threw down his stone-tipped spear
And cried out to the noon-sun
"I shall hurt no creature"
And he threw away his carving knife
of chipped obsidian
"I shall live clean, beholden to no suffering
No cow shall lose milk
Nor bee lose a drop of honey
I will no longer break my hunger
Across the backs of innocent beasts!
Though my children wither and starve
I sleep with a happy heart!"

Inadequate Account

"I have loved in my time,"
I tell St. Peter
He wears white robes
With golden wings
He holds a quill over a blank book

"I'm sorry," he says
"Come again?"

"I have known love, sir,"
My only answer

He frowns and shakes his head
"That just won't do,"
His hand hesitates

"I have loved, sir, and failed,"
My only claim

He throws the pen down
"So what am I to write?"

"That I have loved, sir,"

He only scowls at me.

And on the Eighth Day...

The dead rose up
And shuffled slowly to the pub.
They crowded around me
And pawned their jewelry.

Rings, necklaces, cufflinks
Plucked from their own graves.
They bartered for drinks
They could not taste.

They shoved and elbowed me
Leaned in and pushed up to the bar.
They stumbled and waved for the bartender.
There was only one.

It was Monday and otherwise empty.
A bowl of neglected pretzels.
One lonely muffin in a case by the register.

Who eat's a muffin at a pub?

And the dead were thirsty.
They ordered stiff drinks
With well spirits
And poured them down
Papery gullets straight away.
The drinks splattered on the floor
Flooding through holes in stomachs and throats.

And they ordered another
And another.
I didn't want to say anything,
But they pushed up beside me
Shouting, waving, insisting.

I turned and asked,
"What's the deal, fellas?
Afterlife not cracked up
Like they lay it out in
Those goddamn books?"

"Brother," one said in
Careful, quiet tones,
His breath stale and bitter.
"You don't know the half of it,"

Pointless Cursing

Fuck You

We build mallets
To swing at the floor
And make thunder
Like drums on the horizon

The World hums along
And doesn't care
How long we breathe

Fuck Me

I've learned you
By watching myself
I have passed careful verdict

We are worthy creatures
Rare treasures

We deserve all
The hells
We conjure in torment

Just A Moment

A moment please, my dear.
Just a moment more.
I want to show you
What I can do
But I'll need just a moment

I want to tell you something, my dear.
But what can I tell you
That you don't already know?
I just need a moment to think.

I want to sing for you, my dear.
A song to frame you face,
To follow your grace,
A beat to sway your waist.
In just a moment, I'll have it.

I want to be a man for you, my dear.
Strong and sure and wise.
Just the man for you, you'll see.
It'll only take a moment.