Preparation is Everything

I found a glass staircase where a wall was supposed to be. At least, I'm pretty sure the wall was supposed to be there. It had been there yesterday and the day be... no wait, I didn't come round on Sunday. Well anyway, at all previous sightings, the wall was perfectly wall-like as I imagine walls are supposed to be.

I mean, people build walls so that they stay there. A wall keeps stuff in, or it keeps stuff out. If the wall took a vacation, it wouldn't be a very good wall.

So maybe the wall took a vacation that day, and perhaps Sunday as well, I can't say for certain. And there was this glass staircase right in that same spot. I use the word staircase only because I can't think of a word to describe the appearance. It was a series of wide glass plates floating in the air a few inches above each other. They were offset by a foot or two, creating a great spiral leading up into some kind of sparkly cloud. If you know a word for series of floaty spiraled plates going into a cloud of glitter, please let me know. Or perhaps you could just write to a dictionary company. I imagine it would be a very interesting addition to their book, whereas they must get swamped with new words for bugs or puddings. I don't know if they get many letters about floating plates.

Well I've read a few books in my time. I used to be quite fond of jungle adventure stories. I would curl up every night with another story where maybe a scientist is looking for a secret cure from an ancient, hidden civilization and then maybe a plane crashes and a beautiful woman needs help and maybe they all get caught by a greedy bunch of bandits who run a hidden diamond mine, enslaving innocent natives to... Well those books never mentioned a glass staircase so I can skip all them. There was another book I read because I thought it was about jungle monsters. It did talk about jungle monsters, but it talked about other monsters too.

There were giants and people that were just bags filled with beetles and a man with needles for fingers and a whole family that lived under a tree and they could peel off your eyeballs to see what your life life would have looked like if you lived it but you won't because they already killed you. There was other stuff too, like princesses and castles. There was a part where a man tricked the devil into teaching him how to fly. He flew all over the world to pick the most beautiful flowers for his love. I really liked that story.

I should have picked up more books like that, but everytime I go to the bookstore I see a picture on a cover with a guy and his shirt is all ripped up and maybe he's fighting a panther. The jungle has got to be the coolest, scariest place in the world with all the trees and poisonous animals hiding. Of course, I have never walked up into a glittering cloud, so maybe I don't know so much.

But this book had a few stories about regular people going on a magical journey and saving someone and battling monsters and they would all start with something like a floating glass staircase. Well, none of them had a staircase exactly, but it was the closest thing I had to go with. So there you go.

But these heroes always get into trouble on their journey, so I knew I needed to prepare. First off, the heroes always have some kind of mighty blade or axe or something. They rarely get a chance to use it, as the monster might often swipe it away or steal it or eat it. And then the hero must rely on his wits to outsmart the beast. However, I think I should still bring something for the monster to take away. If I didn't have some kind of mighty blade, it might not take me seriously.

I went to my backyard and there was a fallen branch. We had a storm on Sunday that must have knocked the branch off and I'd not noticed till just then. Come to think of it, the storm was why I didn't go out for my walk and maybe the wall was on vacation then too. Though it must have been a crummy vacation in the middle of a storm with branches blowing around.

I cleaned off the branch and clipped away the little twigs until it was mostly straight. I found an old can of silver spraypaint and sprayed the stick so then it, well it didn't look exactly like a sword, but maybe it could be a magic wand or a king's sceptre. It was pretty mighty looking.

So another thing, is there's someone who needs help. Someone has to be in trouble for the story to work. Maybe a little girl trapped in the same dream forever and ever, or a little milkmaid who picked roses from a magical forest and now she's growing roots and leaves and flowers, stuck in the dirt. Or a beautiful princess all alone, shackled with icicle chains that can only be broken with a loving kiss.

Of course, it could be a guy who's trapped. Or maybe a horse. I would still save them, I don't mind. I could just kiss the guy on the cheek, if he really needed that. I probably wouldn't kiss the horse. Hmm, now that I think about it, the staircase seems kind of weird.

Well anyway, back then, I didn't think about maybe having to kiss horses. I looked for a gift. In the stories maybe it was a magical apple, or special ruby that fell burning from the sky, or the bottled tears of an angel. The gifts were special and that's how the princess knew that she was being saved. That's how she knew to trust the hero.

I didn't have any rubies or anything. My grandmother left a ring in the bureau. It was 'her little chip'. That's what she called it. It had a diamond, no bigger than a speck. My grandfather bought her that when he didn't have much money. It was during the war and everyone was scared and broke. Years later, he bought her a proper ring when he made more money, but she kept wearing her little chip. She wore it because it was special. The perfect sort of thing a princess might appreciate. Anyways my grandmother doesn't need it anymore, and I'm sure she'd like someone nice to have it, maybe even a princess.

Also, the hero needs to use his wits. They always have to trick a monster, or confuse them. Or maybe just sneak around. I don't know any riddles, so I looked for a book. All I could find was a book of jokes. It was my little sister's when she was little. Her favorite color was yellow and she always wore yellow and everyone said she looked like a little bee. And so this is a joke book all about bees. Some of the jokes are:

What is the healthiest bee?
A vitamin bee!

What do bees like to chew?
Bumble gum!

Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because of honey combs!

I don't really know how well those will go over. Maybe the monster will be a very big bee and get terribly upset if I tell him any of those jokes. Still I'm not always very clever and it's better to be more prepared than otherwise.

So I took my stick and my book and grandma's little chip and went back to the spot where the wall was supposed to be and it was back. The wall had taken its place in the wall spot, keeping things out and keeping things in. I was sad for a little bit, but then I started thinking.

If I had just run up the stairs without any of this stuff, the monster might be upset that I wasn't a proper hero, and I wouldn't have any tricky riddles, and the princess or the milkmaid or the horse wouldn't trust me. That would have been a terrible story and I wouldn't want to tell anyone about it. Maybe that's why all these stories are so old, no one bothers to prepare anything anymore. They rush off and have stupid adventures and come home early and try to forget everything.

Well not me. I have my stick, my book, and this ring. I walk by the wall where the wall's supposed to be everyday. Maybe I'll see the staircase again, maybe not. Either way, now I know there's more to the world than jungles, and when an adventure comes my way, I'll be prepared.